“Teddy Roosevelt purportedly said, ‘comparison is the thief of joy.’ Comparison does more than that: It also robs your confidence. When we compare ourselves to others, we often come up short. That’s because we’re comparing ourselves to an illusion – a curated, airbrushed, seemingly perfect version of a deeply imperfect person.”

Ozan Varol, Awaken Your Genius

Song: Bring You Down (Stripped) by Divide The Fall

Article: Why You Need A Not-To-Do List

Thought: I’ve been into sports for a really long time, in particular, football. I’ve followed two teams over the years: Packers and Seahawks. As a kid Brett Favre was my hero. There is a famous game on Monday night he played the day after his dad passed away from a sudden heart attack throwing almost 400 yards and 2 TDs. Nothing could stop him. But the end of his time at Green Bay was marred by money and being the center of attention – he went to the Jets. Favre is now in scandal over welfare funds. This year with Aaron Rodgers feels eerily similar (darkness retreat, ayahuasca, and the Jets). Last year was all about Russell Wilson. Another trademark “good guy” who has been exposed by his teammates as individualistic and toxic. Hearing “Broncos Country, Let’s Ride” makes me cringe.

It’s dangerous to put people on a pedestal – they always disappoint. I have a tendancy of putting people in my life into the hero role and prematurely building their statues. I’m a hype-man for folks and that’s genuine. I think most people are amazing and I try to learn from their spectacular. But it shrouds the less amazing and that’s where I find myself disappointed, hurt and wondering what happened. I am caught between the conflict of their superhero and humanity.

Lately, I have been trapped in comparison in seeing titles – something I abhor. I hate titles and think they are generally garbage status symbols. That’s not to say the people receiving them haven’t earned or deserve those recognitions. I am at the point in my career seeing folks get “VP” status, “Director of X,” and other influential roles. I’m happy for them. Titles are just another pedestal to get caught up in the infallibility of the role. Good leaders don’t throw their titles around. For bad ones, it’s all they have. I found myself over the last month wishing for a title because it will give me the influence – rather than the other way around.

I’m working to put ideals, culture and purpose on pedestals. That way when something fails, it’s just a thing. It can be replaced or put back up there. Much easier to glorify a purpose than a person. Much more productive than wishing for a title that doesn’t carry the influence.

“There’s nothing that says truth has to be brutal. It just has to be true.”

Simon Sinek

Song: HAPPY boy NF

Article: The Most Meaningful Way to Succeed Is to Help Others Succeed by Adam Grant

Thought: A few weeks ago my therapist prescribed me a “Happy Light.” The idea is that the light mimics outdoor light causing a chemical change in the brain that releases happiness hormones and reduces sad feelings. The main reported benefit is to boost your mood. I can’t believe we live in a world where such a device needs to exist – that’s how little time we spend outside and, in the PNW, in the sunshine.

Does it help me? The jury is out. I keep using it in the mornings to try and boost my mood and feel rejuvenated. Hard to tell if it’s the light or just the coffee. But who am I to shun a therapy method without trying. One thing I know that has boosted my mood is seeing my friends. Their faces are my real Happy Lights.

I went to Treefort and had friends stay with me. I made new friends. There was a lot of time outside laughing and dancing. That was way better than any lightbulb.

Then, I went to a work conference and saw even more friends. I had some incredibly deep and meaningful talks with people. I saw smiles and tears. I came back feeling more myself then I have in months just by seeing those faces. I got some of the best hugs I think I’ve experienced in years.

This week, I’m off to TX for another conference and a different set of amazing friends. Two of my favs, Aimee and Greg, will be there. I know being in their presence will transform me. I know enjoying the sunshine and smiling faces will raise my spirits and renew my strength to fight through depressing and anxious moments for weeks. These people are why I love what I do – I wouldn’t be who I want to be without them.

Maybe what I need is the reflection of light off the faces of the people I care about and not the light itself.

“Fierce trust demands that you put forth the work anyhow, because fierce trust knows that the outcome does not matter. The outcome cannot matter.”

Elizabeth Gilbert

Song: When It Feels Right by Vana Liya

Article: How to Finally Let Things Go Podcast

Thought: Last year I did a whole series of posts based on my soundtracks. Aka the things I tell myself to replace the crazy thoughts in my head with more useful ones. I’ve found two new ones to share.

Stop shoulding all over yourself and others. I heard this one from Abby Wambach but it has several attributions according to the internet. The word “should” contains its own category of thought distortion in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Should means black and white thinking. Should implies there are no options. A simple change to “could” changes the entire picture. Shoulding myself or others into an action isn’t helpful for anatomy, responsibility and creativity. I try very hard to catch myself using should except when it comes to getting sleep or brushing my teeth.

Everything sucks, some of the time. This line is from Mark Manson of the infamous Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. I like this reminder because it means the suck has an end. Things rarely/never suck all of the time but it’s okay that they do sometimes. Even the happiest events/activities/thoughts have some suck but that passes. This soundtrack has been my mantra for exercise – it does suck, some of the time especially when I don’t feel like going or working hard. I love working in water but it sucks some of the time too.

Any other new soundtracks out there?

“Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked”

Yogi Berra, a very disliked New York Yankee

Song: 20 Missed Calls by Branden Bales

Article: If it’s All in Bold by Seth Godin

Thought: The Super Bowl is the largest viewed event in US sports. This year 113 million people watched it. However, 119 million people watched Rihanna at halftime so it was more like a concert surrounded by a football game. An estimated 1.5 billion people watched the World Cup final just a few months ago. Those are staggering numbers to comprehed.

An ad in the Super Bowl costs around $7M. There are roughly 330 million Americans so 35% potentially saw the ad. It’s safe to assume 50% don’t need, don’t want, or like a competitor for your product; therefore, 56.5 million or 17% of Americans. Of the remaining half, 50% of those won’t do anything cause they are the slow majority or laggards (e.g., people who still don’t buy on Amazon or have multiple streaming services). That leaves 28 million people or 9% of all Americans. You spent, just on the ad time cost, $4 per person assume they convert to sales. For one thing, that’s a lot if your product isn’t at least $20. For another, you really aren’t that popular if 9% will actually buy, use and recommend your product. So why do it?

You do it to find your audience and let them know you exist and how you can help. You don’t have to matter to everyone – just 1 in 10 people. The market share of Apple iPhones worldwide is 25% (1 in 4 people) and the market share of Coke worldwide is 20% (1 in 5 people). 20% sounds pretty small when you can probably stumble into 9%; but that’s the difference between some of the biggest brands and the average ones.

You don’t need a message for everyone or even to be liked by very many. All you need is 1 in 4 people to think you’re amazing enough to be close to. A good reminder not just in product marketing but in your personal life too. Very few people are truly going to like you – even if you spend millions to be seen by them.

“my fear became boring to me…because it was the same thing every day.“

Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic

Song: Why Do You Talk To Me? by Quinn XCII (pronounced Quinn 92)

Article: Researchers have followed over 700 people since 1938 to find the keys to happiness. Here’s what they discovered by Alexa Mikhail

Thought: I actually had this blog written last week but I didn’t like it. I stewed on it all week to figure out how to make it better. If you are taking the time to read my work, that’s my gift to you. You deserve better than my first drafts.

One of my absolute favorite movies is Empire Records. It’s a great coming of age movie from the 90’s with a bunch of famous people (Liv Tyler, Renée Zellweger, Robin Tunney, Ethan Embry). It has a ton of memorable one liners – “Damn the Man, save the Empire”, “My names not Warren”, “What’s with today, today?” The scene that captures me every time is when Zellweger’s character Gina sings the song “Sugar High” at the end.

After admitting to a lot of fear, she sings in front of the crowd and lets loose. You can see all the emotions in realtime – fear, uncertainty, joy, satisfaction. It’s the culmination of her character arc from insecure, people-pleaser to confident, courageous woman. We all want our “Gina” moment.

For me, this scene feels really personal. It’s very unfulfilling to be the person everyone else wants you to be or expects you to be. When I act like someone I am not it never turns out well. I say or do hurtful things. I live outside my values only to cringe upon reflection.

My friend Stephanie told me my passion is like the sun – everyone likes it but too much is a sunburn. I really feel like I’ve been giving out a lot of sunburns lately while I burn myself out. Gina had the same problem. Until she chose not to. Then she had her moment.

“We think too much and think too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.”

Charlie Chaplin

Song: These Days by Rudimental

Article: Unraveling my ambition pt.1 and pt.2 by Shab Ferdowsi

Thought: Last week my son, Judah, turned 13 and officially became a teen. It got me thinking about what I wish I knew at 13. Of course there are dozens of lessons he is likely to learn on his own the next few years but one I want to impart to him is to be gentle on yourself.

I’m not gentle on myself through my mistakes. I grew up believing “B” stood for bad. It sapped all the joy out of trying anything if I couldn’t do it perfectly from the start. It’s part of the reason I hate losing much more than I enjoy winning. I forget the wins very quickly but the loses, years later, I remember in detail.

I’ve been told I can be hard on others and expect perfection. For anyone who thinks I have ever had high standards for them, it is incomparable to the standards I hold myself too. I hate making mistakes big and small. Often my mistakes are just misunderstandings or awkwardness but it doesn’t matter in my mind – I’m terrible and no one likes me.

I am unlearning the voice in my head that tells me I’m not loved or forgiven for mistakes. I’m using the word “learning” and the phrase “oh, well” more often than “screw up.” I’m learning to apologize for my impact but not necessarily for effort to be vulnerable. I hurt people with my words and actions and I am deeply sorry for those instances. I remember every word and it relive it again and again.

I want Judah to make mistakes. I want him to try lots of things. I want him to be gentle on himself when things work out differently than he hoped or planned for. Life has too many experiences to enjoy to worry about getting it right all the time. Maybe by 40 I’ll learn to be more gentle on myself too.

“Too often, we convince ourselves that massive success requires massive action…if you can get 1% better each day for a year, you’ll end up thirty-seven times better by the time you’re done.”

James Clear, Atomic Habits

Song: Meet Me At Our Spot by THE ANXIETY, Willow and Tyler Cole

Article: The Lost Practice of Resting One Day Each Week by Joshua Becker

Thought: Happy New Year! And on cue the flood of New Year’s resolutions and goals are every where. This “holiday” was definitely invented, or at least taken advantage of, to just sell you shit.

For the last decade my sales goals (or other career metrics) go into effect on Jan 1. One of my best mentors, Dave Bergdolt, told me to never look at the number or worry about it. He said “the number is simply a measure of where your effort should be spent.” That’s some of the best advice I’ve received – my goals drive my effort and focus inputs (i.e., partnerships, mentorship, follow up, funnel building).

My friend, Andrea Hay texted me that we should do 1,000 hours outside in 2023. It’s about matching the typical yearly screen time with “green time.” The quantity is so obscene that you can’t just hope it happens so I have an app to track it. Winter is tough (cold and wet). Summer is tough (deadly hot). But every little bit adds up. Just like my time spent on LinkedIn, Instagram and TikTok.

Instead of obsession with goals become obsessed with effort. Obsess over a few small habits that create tremendous impact over time. Here’s just a few small ones that add up:

• Reading 15 minutes per day is over 90 hours in a year (the equivalent of two weeks of work).
• Reducing what you eat by 100 calories per day is over 35,000 calories in a year. That’s 10 lbs of fat. Most people have a hard time consistently cutting calories, a 20 minute walk equals about 100 calories too.
• Ordering groceries for pickup reduced my time at the store by more than 50 hours a year. It saved me countless dollars in impulse buys, which were typically high calorie sweets or alcohol. The app saves my frequent purchases and so it takes 5 minutes to load my cart and checkout. I pick up on my way back from a place I’m already going. Another service, Grove Collaborative, offers lots of household items that get delivered straight to me. Amazon’s Subscribe and Save works great too.
• Automate all my savings. If I hope to save, I won’t. I struggle with financial discipline especially around clothes and gadgets. To help myself I do a couple things: 1) I delete the clothing apps and unsubscribe to their email lists. 2) the day after getting paid money moves from my checking to all the savings places.

This work isn’t about finding time to do more. The reason I do these habits is to find time (most valuable resource) and money (second most valuable resource) to do the things I want to do like rest, exercise, be social and enjoy life. It’s not about more – it’s about what matters.

Focus on inputs/effort not on outcome in 2023.

” Let’s be reasonable and add an eighth day to the week that is devoted exclusively to reading.”

Lena Dunham

Song: Dreams On The Way by Nevv

Thought: Part of my daily routine is to read. I end up reading quite a few books each year and I used to post a pic with all of them. It’s impressive to see my stack each year and helps me feel accomplished. But it’s also daunting to figure out what to share about them. So now I only share a couple in hopes you pick one up. Here’s the list for 2022:

Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown. First off, I love how this book is organized. It’s not in an alphabetical order of terms – its comprised of interconnected emotions and their meaning as a group. That’s how we feel them. My favorite quote is in the section on compassion and empathy. “It’s not just a feeling, it’s doing…Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the others…now I try to sit with them in the dark and show how to feel the discomfort.” I’m not asking anyone to fix me, I’m asking you to sit in the dark with me and let me feel through it. Moreover, I will do the same with those I care about.

The Digital Mindset by Paul Leonardi and Tsedal Neeley. I started a new job and new role within a digital company this year. I lot of things felt familiar but most of the terminology and approach was new to me. The learning curve felt steep. This book helped breakdown some key ideas and support a better foundation. “…developing a new mindset means that you build from your new skills to see the world in a new way and to change your behavior your digital mindset comes when you change how you approach collaboration, computation and change.”

Think Like a Rocket Scientist by Ozan Varol. Hands down my favorite read this year. I love most of Ozan’s content and share his blog posts frequently. I won’t spoil this one because I believe the experience in reading it is as valuable as the stories. If you struggle with failure or creativity or projects that take a long time, then this is the book for you. A quote I think about almost daily is “If we engage in resulting, we reward bad decisions that lead to good outcomes…the goal, then, is to focus on the variables you can control – the inputs – instead of the outputs.”

Let me know if you have any good reads for me in 2023. I encourage you to make reading a habit and see what happens. You might learn something.

“So you’re a little weird? Work it! A little different? OWN it! Better to be a nerd than one of the herd!”

Mandy Hale

Song: In The Face of Evil by Magic Sword

Article: Two Bits of Optimism – Simon Sinek with the GOAT Brené Brown and Adam Grant

Thought: One of my favorite bands is a local Boise group called Magic Sword. The music is electronic/rock. The show is crazy – with masks, lights and the crowd filled with lightsabers. It’s hard to describe how much fun the show is without just going for yourself.

I love that Magic Sword doesn’t fit any mold. I love that the crowd is a mix of emo kids, punk rock, preppy, and diverse age ranges. Everyone there is having fun and living the experience. It’s unique. That’s what makes it special: it stands out and appeals to a specific audience.

Creative requires vulnerability. Creativity requires unique not derivative. Being memorable means making memories by standing out from the norm. While I’m unlikely to wear a mask, cape and play guitar in my work, it still needs to leave that feeling of special. There are no shortcuts.

Do something that stands out – an opinion, a post, a song, a video. Don’t just do what everyone else does cause they already did that. Let’s get creative and bold. Let’s find our own magic sword.

A special ask – after Magic Sword’s last show, their van and trailer with everything in it was stolen. instruments, lights, costumes, computers, etc. They have a GoFundMe to replace it all and get back on tour. As of today they are $37k/$50k; our Boise community has really come together to prevail against evil. If you enjoy this blog and their music, please consider donating.

When the need is great we call upon the power of the MAGIC SWORD.

“Faith isn’t a business trip walked on a sidewalk; it’s an adventure worked out on a steep and sometimes difficult trail”

Bob Goff, Everybody Always

Song: Hands Open by Snow Patrol

Article: Tweet by Adam Grant

Thought: I’ve been pretty uninspired lately. So much so that I didn’t think I had anything interesting to say so I didn’t publish a blog last week. I’m feeling annoyed by a number of things: lack of reciprocity in friendships, micromanaged, forced to be creative, dark season, highly meat focused holiday meals, and uncertainty as to when I will see water friends next. I’ve learned there is one path to inspiration for me: gratitude.

• Greg Wukash – I’m grateful for Greg and his inspirational messages. He tells me he is thinking about me out of the blue. He shares photos and stories of his real life. I never question our connection regardless of how much time passes between when we talk. I’m inspired to be a leader, man and father like Greg.
• Aimee Killeen – I’ve spoken about Aimee before in a previous blog. She is the friend I need when I get overwhelmed by feelings. She is a source of positivity and progress. She picks her battles. She shines a light into dark places with humor, passion and purpose.
• Mari Orama – Mari is one of my BFFs from college. She got me through grad school even though she would say I got her through grad school. We talk/text a lot. She is a great mom to three littles and reminds me how important it is to exist beyond careers and jobs. Mari is someone I can cry with when things are bad but also laugh with about crazy stuff.
• Ruben Alanis – Ruben has always been there for me with kindness, generosity and truth. He calls out my bullshit. I love that we share a passion for soccer, football and fireball. I know I can count on him when no one else will answer. He is my brother through all my stupidity.