“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon or too late. You don’t have to like it…it’s just easier if you do.”
Byron Kate
Song: Happier by Marshmallow and Bastille
Article: How to Unlink Your Self-Worth From Your Work by Andria Park Huynh
Thought: This soundtrack is one of my favorites and something I bring up a lot with people. A year ago one of the hardest moments I’ve been through as one of the containers broke. I thought it meant I had lost everything that came within it too. Turns out I didn’t and so now I view this as a new beginning rather than a painful ending.
When going through a breakup of any kind (e.g., relationship, job change, loss) there is going to be a grief process. That process won’t be linear and won’t have a clear end. Accepting it doesn’t make it easier but ignoring reality won’t either. I’ve been through more than one major breakup in my life but this one seemed different; I cried uncontrollably, I stopped eating, I hid from people and had no focus. I was broken over the loss of the relationship, friendship and vision I had for the future.
What I grieved most was the loss of connection – the person I told everything, the person who inspired me, the person who supported my dreams – a best friendship. It was all wrapped into the container called “boyfriend.”
I may have stopped being a boyfriend/partner but that didn’t mean I couldn’t be there in a different way. So together, we mashed the idea of having a container and rebuilt focusing on the connection. It isn’t easy – like any good friendship it takes effort and vulnerability. I make a lot of mistakes along the way. But there is a lot of grace and communication. I’m grateful we have both chosen connection over container. I’m grateful for all the relationships where I’m choosing connection.
My love is too complicated for simple definitions created by someone else. The container might be friend, lover, co-worker, sibling, parent – the list goes on – the connection is together what you make of it.