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“Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water. If you can’t go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does.”

Margaret Atwood from The Penelopiad

Song: Calling All Angels by Chelsea Cutler (with Quinn XCII). This was my most listened to song in 2021 and I got the chance to meet both Chelsea and Mike (Quinn XCII).

Article: Lin-Manuel Miranda: ‘There are lessons in chasing what scares you’ by Steven Mackenzie

Thought: I don’t buy flipping the calendar changes things but 2021 was pretty rough so here’s to a hopeful 2022 through actions.

This post is normally where I show the stack of books I read during the previous year but I’m going to do something a little different. I am going to share about just three books. Three books everyone should read regardless of your craft or career stage.

The Practice by Seth Godin. A compilation short lessons about what it means to do great work and focus on your practice, not your results. “We don’t do it to win, we do it to contribute…..The practice is its own reward.”

The Infinite Game by Simon Sinek. Best known for Start with Why, Simon lays out the argument to think about your effort and impact over a longer time scale. The goal is to keep playing the game and changing the rules to do so. This book is better than Start with Why. “Where finite-minded organizations view people as a cost to be managed, infinite-minded organizations prefer to see employees as human beings whose values cannot be calculated….”

Think Again by Adam Grant. With the polarization our culture has experienced over the last few years, Adam’s perspective on rethinking couldn’t be more timely. With research backed evidence, he argues that we are only as effective as our ability to challenge black/white thinking and change our viewpoints. “The risk is that we become so wrapped in preaching that we’re right, prosecuting others who are wrong, and politicking for support that we don’t bother to rethink our own views.”

Honorable mentions. Okay I lied here’s some additional books:

• Heart Atlas by Brene Brown
• Single. On Purpose. by John Kim
• Give and Take by Adam Grant
• Good Vibes, Good Life by Vex King

“I have already lost touch with a couple of people I used to be.”

Joan Didion

Song: Precious Love by James Morrison

Article: How to Stop Languishing and Start Finding Flow by Adam Grant

Thought: Family isn’t biology. A family (small f) might be but Family (big F) is so much more.

Family:

• Throws you a party for a special day. Brings you to a party to meet their friends.
• Is a text out of the blue to say “how are you?” and “I’m just thinking about you.”
• Takes an adventure into the desert.
• Sees your favorite bands with you even if they’ve never heard of them.
• Enjoys fireworks over a lake.
• Tells you “it will be okay, you can do it” when you think it won’t end.
• Shares a song or show or book or app.
• Helps you find a place to puke.
• Tells you they will pray for you.
• Lets you call and cry, swear, and scream.
• Says “I’m sorry” and “I forgive you.”
• Takes and shares a photo to capture the magic of the moment.
• Supports your dreams, goals and change with enthusiasm.
• Tells you “I love you.”

I don’t need family but I couldn’t live without Family.

“Rarely, if ever, are any of us healed in isolation. Healing is an act of communion.”

bell hooks – The prolific and trailblazing author, poet, feminist, cultural critic and professor 

Song: Sober by Cheat Codes

Article: The Forgotten F-Word in the Pandemic by Monica Lewinsky

Thought: Mediocre adj. (me-de-o-ker) of moderate or low quality, value, ability, or performance. Ordinary. so-so. Synonym: Meh. Growing up I used “meh” a lot with friends. Thank The Simpsons I suppose. Meh party. Meh game. Meh movie/show. Meh day. I’ve been fortunate to know people who only settle for extraordinary and shun meh. I’ve had clients where meh gets you canned. I’m told I have “high expectations” but I just don’t have patience for meh work. Lately, I’ve seen an increase in meh-style leadership; people who exhibit and accept subpar performance and lower expectations. Meh isn’t memorable. Meh doesn’t create change (for the better). The people I serve deserve better than just meh effort from me. I won’t be watering down my work, exceptions or effort anytime soon. I don’t want meh in my relationships either.

“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain!”

Dolly Parton

Song: Get The Best of Me by Kid Mac

Article: The Death of You by Ozan Varol (Warning: this article is quite challenging to read and reflect on)

Thought: I’m watching Sex Eduction on Netflix; Otis asks his mom Jean, “Do you think I’m a casual-relationships kind of guy?” Her response is “I think you’re the sort of person who wants meaningful connection.” They are taking about romantic relationships but it applies to friendship. I associate casual with meaningless. I don’t have casual friendships with anyone very well; I don’t do acquaintances. Either they are meaningful connections or fade to nothing. I love hard and hurt hard too. The rest of Jean’s answer to Otis is “But I also think it’s good for you to try different types of relationships.”

“In those moments when we realize how much we cannot control, we can learn to let go.”

Sharon Salzberg

Song: Teen Rocket by Tigers Jaw

Article: Be curious, not judgmental (video)

Thought: My intent (what I mean) and my impact (what they feel) often have a gap. I mean to be funny but cause an embarrassment. I mean to be kind but cause suffocation. I mean to be helpful but cause control. Intent is something that flows from my values; only I know my intent. Impact isn’t personal so when I cause something unintended I don’t need to defend it – “I’m sorry, tell me more” goes a long way without “what I meant was…” It’s on the other person to explain the impact because I cannot guess how they feel or think. I’m accountable for my impacts which means apologies, amends and repairs. However, relationships require a two-way street. That is, if you really want one. Making mistakes happens; be curious anyways.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”

Maya Angelou

Song: After Rain by Dermot Kennedy

Article: This is how your brain sabotages your happiness by Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan.

Thought: Jon Acuff wrote a book called Soundtracks about filling your head with a new soundtrack rather than the self defeating, insecure, and destructive one most of us run on default. Here is the soundtrack I read out loud to myself daily:

• In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you.
• Empathy is communicating that incredible healing message of “you are not alone.” (Brene Brown)
• Curiosity beats criticism.
• You’re actually not a mess at all; you’re just a feeling person in a messy world. (Glennon Doyle)
• If I’m going to predict the future, I might as well pick a positive one. (Jon Acuff)
• I’m here to get it right, not to be right (Brene Brown)
• I choose my thoughts that lead to my emotions that result in my actions. No one takes that control from me.
• Every time I said to myself “I can’t take this anymore” I was wrong. (Glennon Doyle)
• I’ll disappoint everyone else before I’ll disappoint myself. (Glennon Doyle)
• Connection not container.
• Expectation ends in a period; hope ends with a comma but. (Rachael Root)
• What do I have to learn here? (Ted Lasso)
• Let go to let grow.

Create the soundtrack you need to change your mind.

“Be open to a world where you may not understand or agree with the person next to you but have a drink with them anyways.”

Anthony Bourdain

Song: You Came Around by Nico Stai

Article: Lego Customers Lose Millions of Pieces a Year by Jason Aten

Thought: My favorite exercise is called ball slams. I grab the heaviest ball we’ve got (45 lbs) and I drive that thing into the ground until I can’t lift my arms. Not recommend inside apartments. This exercise forces me to focus: breathe (in to lift, out to slam), posture (protect the back), and mental (just one more). Breathe, body and mind have a single objective – put that fucking (sorry Janet) ball through the floor. Everything I do well comes down to focus. “Doing” eight things at once leaves me disappointed with lackluster results. Better to get all my effort going towards one objective than spread thin accomplishing little.

“Many are asking what it’ll take for people in power to wake up. But let’s be clear – they’re already awake. They know exactly what they’re doing. They know exactly what priceless values they’re sacrificing to maintain business as usual.”

Greta Thunberg at COP26

Song: Sun and Shine by HIRIE

Article: New Problems, old problems by Seth Godin

Thought: Ghostbusters is almost 40 years old and still an amazing movie, why? It’s creative. It’s original. It’s fun. The characters are memorable and the story feels familiar: A hero with a problem (Dr. Venkman and Co. aren’t respected), meets a guide (Dana) with a plan (take care of the ghost in my house and city), defeat the villain (Zuul and other ghosts) and transform yourself for the better (Heroes of NYC). Most of the dialogue was unscripted (e.g., don’t cross the streams) because of the quality of the artists. It’s a movie with masterclass in acting, comedy and storytelling. It works 40 years later because it hadn’t been tried before. What risk am I taking in my work that isn’t just a carbon copy of the last thing made?

Every choice is a chance…It is our choices that show who we really are far more than our abilities.

Ted Lasso

Song: Another Day in Paradise by Quinn XCII

Article: How does a comedy outsider make sense of Norm Macdonald? by Malcolm Gladwell

Thought: No spoilers here but I just finished the second season of Ted Lasso and the final episode hit me hard. Ted asks a question of Nate – “What do I have to learn here?” and I was stunned. I had to pause and take a breath. Ted had every reason to be angry and rain fire. But he made a different choice; Ted chose curiosity. Jon Acuff says “curiosity beats criticism.” I’ve yet to find a moment where that was not 100% accurate. Perhaps today I show up with just one question – what do I have to learn here?