Category Archives: Uncategorized

“No one gets muscles by watching ME lift weights”

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Song: I’d Do Anything by Simple Plan

Article: The Rise of Emo Nostalgia by Jia Talentino

Thought: So there’s a TikTok/IG trend with the song “Teenage Dirtbag” in the background where you show yourself now and then as a teen. Over the last month, I’ve been to a couple very emo (sub genre of punk-pop from the 00s) bands live. So fun but a reminder of the emotional casserole of teenage angst. 

Emo music expresses everything with a dramatic take. The girls are unforgettable and you’ll never get over them. Your parents are assholes who know nothing and can’t possibly understand what your going through. Your friends will fight for you and be there forever. The drugs, alcohol, and parties free your mind and body from the oppression of the man. 

I still love this music but not the unrealistic thoughts it produces – girls leave and you move on; your parents probably aren’t totally dumb; your friends will change; alcohol doesn’t free you from anything. Being emo wells up in me a lack of autonomy and victimhood. It says “this is all being done to me and I have no control/responsibility.” The temporary escape is okay but not the mindset. Thinking that too long steals away my accountability. It’s okay to listen to music that gives you the feels – but it’s not a fairy tale or nightmare representing everything.

Lately, I’ve been too focused on other’s actions and minimizing the role I play. So I’m a work in progress for better boundaries. I will always be an emo kid but hopefully never a teenage dirtbag again.

“Are you okay? they ask

i respond as quickly as i can so they will not notice the earthquakes in my voice or the tsunamis in my eyes or the drought in my heart.”

Ellen Everett, Poet

Song: Waiting for Never – Post Malone

Article: Synchronization can be distracting by Seth Godin

Thought: Memento Mori means “remember you have to die.” I visited Boston and the symbol (skull with wings) for memento mori was on many gravestones. It felt like a timely reminder for me.

Am I telling the people I care about them? Am I showing up well for the people who show up for me? Am I practicing forgiveness? Am I honoring my needs? How will I be remembered?

The history in Boston is represented by buildings, monuments and plagues. They can’t be missed. When I’m gone will I have left a monument in the hearts of people? I know what I want it to say: Steven cared. Unconditional, he gave. He loved me and I knew it. He made me laugh and sometimes cry. He was loyal and didn’t give up on me even when it was hard. He was vulnerable in a messy world.

I constantly fight the thought that I will be forgotten. I know I cannot control the outcome of what other people think but I can control the effort I give. I want to make a difference – one person at a time because memento mori.

“There is no better catalyst to success than curiosity.”

Michael Dell

Song: Electric Love by BORNS

Article: Crickets by Seth Godin

Thought: I attended my 4th Catalyst Summit from Rogue Water Lab in July. This is a must-attend event each year; the content is inspiring, the people are amazing, and the experience is jaw dropping. Just a few reflections to share:

• Rogue Water Lab brought the fire (again). Each year, Stephanie and her team get more creative. This year’s fashion show of community projects was a great way to kick it all off. The design thinking elements pushed everyone from their comfort zone by talking in the community. Lisa Stone (DC Water) pulled no punches on DE&I and privilege.
• Making new friends is still the best. I don’t care how many Zoom and Teams meetings I attend, nothing beats an in-person event. Maybe it’s the pandemic but I cherish these opportunities so much more now and try to make as many deep connections as possible.
• Water communicators and educators are under-appreciated. These folks grind to make better messages and connections. As an industry, they need better partners in leadership, engineering and management. I need to be a better advocate for their needs.
• San Antonio is beautiful. The Mexican food is soooo good. If you haven’t been, plan your next trip there because it won’t disappoint. Everyone I met in the service industry was very helpful and thoughtful. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so welcomed being a visitor.
• “It’s your responsibility to choose to slow down” – Greg Wukash (SAWS). I really needed to hear that.
• It’s a movement, not a moment. Everyone was challenged to advance the movement of water communication and connection by sharing what we learned and implementing something. Fortunately, Catalyst is going “plus” with events coming to San Diego area (December 2022) and Portland area (Fall 2023). Will I see you there?

“They were so focused on the mechanics and the process that they never looked at the problem holistically. In the act of tearing something apart, you lose its meaning”

Malcolm Gladwell

Song: Loved You A Little – The Maine

Thought: I believe that people tell me the truth and their intentions are normally positive. That makes me a bit naive in my friendships and partnerships. Our broken edges hurt the people we love most. My brokenness is to keep giving long past the time I might stop, thinking it gets me to belonging. The uncomfortable truth is that I might be the flavor of the moment. It’s not intentionally cruel, it’s just who we are sometimes. That’s where I’m growing boundaries to protect myself from being fooled. I know where I belong – no more seeking in the wrong places. 

“To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.”

Audrey Hepburn

Song: Let It Go By James Bay

Article: The Crossroads by Seth Godin

Thought: Last one in my series on soundtracks. I hope you have enjoyed hearing about these as much as I have enjoyed sharing them. The last soundtrack is: Let Go to Let Grow.

Gardening is really simple. It takes four things – a seed, environment, water and nutrients. You can control for all of those factors with different systems. You know what won’t help a plant grow? Grabbing onto it and squeezing it.

It’s the same thing with people and relationships. Holding on tighter won’t let it grow but choke it out. I used to believe if I didn’t hold tightly everyone would leave me. The truth is they might leave – regardless of how tightly or loosely I hold.

In my relationships, I focus on three things:

• Environment – compassion, empathy, trust, joy
• Water – affirmation, encouragement, kindness, listening
• Nutrients – texts, calls, cards, dinners, gifts

Let Go, Let Grow.

“Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud”

Maya Angelou

Song: You’ll Never Walk Alone by Marcus Mumford

Article: How to admit you’re wrong by Allie Volpe

Thought: Ted Lasso is such an incredible character. This post is based on a phrase he uses in that last episode of season 2. Nate is very angry with Ted and walks away to stew; Ted follows him and says “What have I got to learn here?” Here’s the clip.

Ted’s phrase is one of my soundtracks: What do I have to learn here? What I love so much about Ted’s response is that he doesn’t try and explain when confronted by Nate’s answer. He accepts the impact and immediately apologizes. There’s no moment of “but what I meant was…” or “If you feel hurt….”

I’ve stopped justifying what I meant to happen (intent). Instead, I focus on my impact by disarming completely. I throw off all the armor. I throw down my swords and daggers. I ask myself and others, “what do I have to learn here?” I apologize quickly. I ask how I can show up differently. I ask how I can make amends.

I hurt people with my actions and my words. Whether I mean to or not isn’t the point – their experience/feelings are what matters. I’m grateful for the people in my life who have been willing to give me the opportunity to make amends. I also understand those who have been too hurt to do so. I’d rather be the person who says “what do I have to learn here?” and stand for the answer then the person who is never wrong and friendless.

I wish we could all be a little more like Ted Lasso.

“Hustle and creativity are antithetical to each other. You can’t generate breakthroughs while clearing out your inbox.”

Ozan Varol, Think Like A Rocket Scientist

Song: In The Sun by Joseph Arthur

Article: New Problems, Old Problems by Seth Godin

Thought: I wrote a short post about this soundtrack after my therapist initially shared it. It has become a mantra I repeat frequently – Expectation ends in a period; hope ends with a comma but.

Having expectations (especially of people) has led me into a lot of disappointment. Here is a few things I have told myself before:

• I expect my boss to lead – implied is the way I want him/her to lead.
• I expect my relationships to last forever – ignoring the fact that things change.
• I expect friends to reach out and ask how I’m doing – knowing that they have lives too and can’t read my mind.
• I expect people to take accountability and apologize immediately – knowing how vulnerable that can be.

I have far fewer expectations over the things I don’t control; however, I have a great deal of hope. Hope gives me something to contribute. Hope leaves the door open to different possibilities. Hope transforms periods into commas. My expectations carry too much weight for myself and others but hope lightens that yoke into something manageable.

Hope doesn’t mean I don’t have boundaries (or disappointments). Hope gives me a path through the imaginary box I’ve confined my view to be. I choose hope in my relationships and moments so I can remain open to the universe’s infinite pathways.

“Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon or too late. You don’t have to like it…it’s just easier if you do.”

Byron Kate

Song: Happier by Marshmallow and Bastille

Article: How to Unlink Your Self-Worth From Your Work by Andria Park Huynh

Thought: This soundtrack is one of my favorites and something I bring up a lot with people. A year ago one of the hardest moments I’ve been through as one of the containers broke. I thought it meant I had lost everything that came within it too. Turns out I didn’t and so now I view this as a new beginning rather than a painful ending.

When going through a breakup of any kind (e.g., relationship, job change, loss) there is going to be a grief process. That process won’t be linear and won’t have a clear end. Accepting it doesn’t make it easier but ignoring reality won’t either. I’ve been through more than one major breakup in my life but this one seemed different; I cried uncontrollably, I stopped eating, I hid from people and had no focus. I was broken over the loss of the relationship, friendship and vision I had for the future.

What I grieved most was the loss of connection – the person I told everything, the person who inspired me, the person who supported my dreams – a best friendship. It was all wrapped into the container called “boyfriend.”

I may have stopped being a boyfriend/partner but that didn’t mean I couldn’t be there in a different way. So together, we mashed the idea of having a container and rebuilt focusing on the connection. It isn’t easy – like any good friendship it takes effort and vulnerability. I make a lot of mistakes along the way. But there is a lot of grace and communication. I’m grateful we have both chosen connection over container. I’m grateful for all the relationships where I’m choosing connection.

My love is too complicated for simple definitions created by someone else. The container might be friend, lover, co-worker, sibling, parent – the list goes on – the connection is together what you make of it.

“Every time you’re given a choice between disappointing someone else and disappointing yourself, your duty is to disappoint that someone else. Your job throughout your entire life, is to disappoint as many people as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself.”

Glennon Doyle

Song: Learn to Fly by Foo Fighters

Article: Why we need ’emotional diversity’ at work right now by Tim Leberecht

Thought: The universe is about to line up a string of these soundtracks along some important dates for me. The next one is paraphrased from Glennon Doyle’s quote above – I’ll disappoint everyone else before I’ll disappoint myself.

This week is my last at Brown And Caldwell. That might come as a bit of a shock to some. It might come with disappointment by many. I’ve had really hard conversations the past few weeks with friends trying to convince me to stay. They mean well and mostly just care about me.

I set myself some boundaries; those boundaries were not respected and so I had a difficult decision to make. Would I hold my boundaries or change them to the situation? I needed to do right by me knowing the disappointment it might cause.

I care about my friends very much. I care about what they think of me too (i.e., my career, my relationships, my hairstyle). For a long time, I used what my friends and family thought to guide my decisions. I was very unhappy. In the last few years, I have stopped doing that because I know I’m enough. Their disappointment is theirs to manage. I need to live my truth and values regardless of their feelings about them. It requires vulnerability, confidence and hope.

I’m excited and scared for my new start at Trinnex. I know one thing for sure – I’m not disappointing myself by making this life change.

“Your input determines your outlook. Your outlook determines your output, and your output determines your future.”

Zig Ziglar

Song: All Hail The Heartbreaker by The Spill Canvas

Article: Stop Settling For The Life You Don’t Want To Live by Meagan Weniger

Thought: My next Soundtrack is from one of my favs, Glennon Doyle – Every time I said to myself “I can’t take this anymore” I was wrong. If you haven’t read Untamed, you are missing one of the most incredible books on vulnerability, living your truth and love.

When I was in college, I studied Chemical Engineering. For two years, I slept 4-5 hours a night and studied 10-15 hours a day. The material included every chemistry class (organic, inorganic and physical), nearly every math class (ever heard of Fourier transforms?) and multiple thermodynamics classes. At multiple points along the journey, I cried over homework, tests and labs. I didn’t think I could take it anymore. But I finished and went onto grad school.

I started running later in life when I was quite overweight. I started signing up for 5k, 10k and half marathons. Running only a few miles was brutal – my knees, my head, my back and shoulders hurt. I kept at it sticking to the training schedule. When you run a half marathon, the first 8-10 miles are no sweat if you train. The last 3-5 are a grind. I could feel every step, every leg/arm movement and every breathe. I didn’t think I could take it anymore. I wasn’t fast but I finished every race, every time.

If you’ve been heartbroken, then you know the anguish. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t exercise. I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone. I cried uncontrollably. It felt like I would never be “normal” again and I would never get over it. I had every emotion all at once all day long as if someone hit all the piano keys and held them down. I didn’t think I could take it anymore. Slowly, I started healing through therapy, reflection, conversations and finding new friends. I learned more about myself during that time more than any other. I learned to let go. I learned forgiveness. I learned boundaries. I survived.

Now when I say “I can’t take anymore” whether it’s mental like school, physical like running or emotional like heartbreak, I remember that I’ve been wrong every single time. I’m stronger than I think. I’m enough.